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we say in private.
Indeed, conversation in the aggregate probably wields more power than press and platform combined.
Socrates taught his great truths, not from public rostrums, but in personal converse. Men made pilgrimages to
Goethe's library and Coleridge's home to be charmed and instructed by their speech, and the culture of many
nations was immeasurably influenced by the thoughts that streamed out from those rich well-springs.
Most of the world-moving speeches are made in the course of conversation. Conferences of diplomats,
business-getting arguments, decisions by boards of directors, considerations of corporate policy, all of which
influence the political, mercantile and economic maps of the world, are usually the results of careful though
informal conversation, and the man whose opinions weigh in such crises is he who has first carefully
pondered the words of both antagonist and protagonist.
However important it may be to attain self-control in light social converse, or about the family table, it is
undeniably vital to have oneself perfectly in hand while taking part in a momentous conference. Then the
hints that we have given on poise, alertness, precision of word, clearness of statement, and force of utterance,
with respect to public speech, are equally applicable to conversation.
The form of nervous egotism--for it is both--that suddenly ends in flusters just when the vital words need to
be uttered, is the sign of coming defeat, for a conversation is often a contest. If you feel this tendency
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embarrassing you, be sure to listen to Holmes's advice:
And when you stick on conversational burs,
Don't strew your pathway with those dreadful urs.
Here bring your will into action, for your trouble is a wandering attention. You must force your mind to
persist along the chosen line of conversation and resolutely refuse to be diverted by any subject or happening
that may unexpectedly pop up to distract you. To fail here is to lose effectiveness utterly.
Concentration is the keynote of conversational charm and efficiency. The haphazard habit of expression that
uses bird-shot when a bullet is needed insures missing the game, for diplomacy of all sorts rests upon the
precise application of precise words, particularly--if one may paraphrase Tallyrand--in those crises when
language is no longer used to conceal thought.
We may frequently gain new light on old subjects by looking at word-derivations. Conversation signifies in
the original a turn-about exchange of ideas, yet most people seem to regard it as a monologue. Bronson
Alcott used to say that many could argue, but few converse. The first thing to remember in conversation, then,
is that listening--respectful, sympathetic, alert listening--is not only due to our fellow converser but due to
ourselves. Many a reply loses its point because the speaker is so much interested in what he is about to say
that it is really no reply at all but merely an irritating and humiliating irrelevancy.
Self-expression is exhilarating. This explains the eternal impulse to decorate totem poles and paint pictures,
write poetry and expound philosophy. One of the chief delights of conversation is the opportunity it affords
for self-expression. A good conversationalist who monopolizes all the conversation, will be voted a bore
because he denies others the enjoyment of self-expression, while a mediocre talker who listens interestedly
may be considered a good conversationalist because he permits his companions to please themselves through
self-expression. They are praised who please: they please who listen well.
The first step in remedying habits of confusion in manner, awkward bearing, vagueness in thought, and lack
of precision in utterance, is to recognize your faults. If you are serenely unconscious of them, no one--least
of all yourself--can help you. But once diagnose your own weaknesses, and you can overcome them by doing
four things:
1. WILL to overcome them, and keep on willing.
2. Hold yourself in hand by assuring yourself that you know precisely what you ought to say. If you cannot do
that, be quiet until you are clear on this vital point.
3. Having thus assured yourself, cast out the fear of those who listen to you--they are only human and will
respect your words if you really have something to say and say it briefly, simply, and clearly.
4. Have the courage to study the English language until you are master of at least its simpler forms.
Conversational Hints
Choose some subject that will prove of general interest to the whole group. Do not explain the mechanism of a
gas engine at an afternoon tea or the culture of hollyhocks at a stag party.
It is not considered good taste for a man to bare his arm in public and show scars or deformities. It is equally
bad form for him to flaunt his own woes, or the deformity of some one else's character. The public demands
plays and stories that end happily. All the world is seeking happiness. They cannot long be interested in your
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ills and troubles. George Cohan made himself a millionaire before he was thirty by writing cheerful plays.
One of his rules is generally applicable to conversation: "Always leave them laughing when you say good
bye."
Dynamite the "I" out of your conversation. Not one man in nine hundred and seven can talk about himself
without being a bore. The man who can perform that feat can achieve marvels without talking about himself,
so the eternal "I" is not permissible even in his talk.
If you habitually build your conversation around your own interests it may prove very tiresome to your
listener. He may be thinking of bird dogs or dry fly fishing while you are discussing the fourth dimension, or
the merits of a cucumber lotion. The charming conversationalist is prepared to talk in terms of his listener's
interest. If his listener spends his spare time investigating Guernsey cattle or agitating social reforms, the
discriminating conversationalist shapes his remarks accordingly. Richard Washburn Child says he knows a
man of mediocre ability who can charm men much abler than himself when he discusses electric lighting. This
same man probably would bore, and be bored, if he were forced to converse about music or Madagascar.
Avoid platitudes and hackneyed phrases. If you meet a friend from Keokuk on State Street or on Pike's Peak,
it is not necessary to observe: "How small this world is after all!" This observation was doubtless made prior
to the formation of Pike's Peak. "This old world is getting better every day." "Fanner's wives do not have to
work as hard as formerly." "It is not so much the high cost of living as the cost of high living." Such
observations as these excite about the same degree of admiration as is drawn out by the appearance of a
1903-model touring car. If you have nothing fresh or interesting you can always remain silent. How would
you like to read a newspaper that flashed out in bold headlines "Nice Weather We Are Having," or daily gave
columns to the same old material you had been reading week after week? [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]