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had been too unexpected. You couldn't allow someone free rein and then pull it in too suddenly, too
tightly.
Like any daughter on bad terms with one parent, she sought out the affection and support of the other.
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May wisely refrained from criticizing either Addie or Russell, or taking one side against the other. Instead
she offered sympathy to both of them privately, know-ing that each was too hardheaded to be induced to
see the other's viewpoint. Addie and Russell were barely on speaking terms.
Though her problem with Russell disturbed her a great deal, Addie didn't talk much about it, especially
not to Ben. She felt acutely embarrassed whenever she looked at him and remembered how she had
sobbed in his arms. What did he think of her now? Ben didn't mention the episode. His tenderness of that
night had disappeared, and he was his usual mocking self toward her. But sometimes he looked at her as
if he were silently laughing at her newfound shyness, and all it took was that one look to set her teeth on
edge. Then she would wait for a jeer that never came . . . ah, how detestable he was!
She sought consolation for her bruised ego in May's company. May was always calm and gentle. There
was quiet grace in everything she did, a grace that was not learned but came from an inner source.
Caroline was like that too. They were the kind of women who would never allow the world to change
them. Addie knew herself to be a complete contrast to them. She was always struggling and changing,
always wanting things and being resentful when she couldn't get them. She understood what Russell had
been trying to tell her before. None of the family would be able to survive Russell's murder, she
thought moodily. No wonder it went to pieces after he was gone. They'll all do well enough if
everything's secure and organized and com-fortable for them. But when disaster happens, they
need someone else to do the struggling for them. It's good to be gentle and nice, but there are
times when you just can't be, or the world will walk right over you.
A week after Addie had been forbidden to see Jeff, the family prepared to travel nearly fifty miles to
at-tend the wedding of Jeff's younger brother Harlan to Ruth Fanin, the daughter of a wealthy rancher.
Sunrise and the Double Bar tacitly agreed to put aside their differences for a few days. They all loved a
wedding. It gave them a chance to see old acquaintances, trade stories, drink freely, and dance until the
soles of their feet were bruised. The cowboys from different ranches ate meals together, talked about
wages and work, en-joyed the free liquor and took as much advantage as possible of the host's
hospitality. And every rancher in Texas liked to show off what he considered to be his own legendary
hospitality.
The women at these affairs were always outnum-bered by men, which meant the favor and attention of
every available female was constantly sought after. Addie was apprehensive about attending the wedding.
What would she do when people she didn't know ex-pected her to recognize them? But at the same
time, she was excited. She hadn't been dancing in a long time. She wanted to listen to music and be
among crowds of festive people.
The day before they were to leave, May came up-stairs to help Addie pack, finding her in the middle of
a heap of dresses. Addie had been trying on dresses for an hour, none of which she wanted to wear, and
she had the urge to take a match to her entire ward-robe.
"I'd cry," Addie said in frustration, "if it would help anything."
May's face softened with concern. "Sugar, your face is all red. What's got you so upset?"
"These." With a sweep of her hand, Addie indi-cated the pile of clothes around her. "I'm trying to find
something to wear for the dance after the wed-ding, but I don't have anything to wear that's not pink. I
hate it. It's practically all I wear from morning till night, and I'm sick of it. "
"I tried to talk you into some different colors when we were having them made. But you insisted on it.
Remember how stubborn you were?"
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"I must have been dead from the neck up," Addie said feelingly. "Can you tell me why I decided on all
-pink?"
"I believe Jeff said it was his favorite color on you," May replied placidly.
"That's just wonderful. Now I can't even see him anymore, and I'm stuck with a closet full of pink
dresses. "
May couldn't hold back a smile, though she tried. "Adeline, it is a pretty color on you "
"No, don't even try," Addie said, beginning to smile reluctantly despite her exasperation. "I'm
in-consolable."
May clucked her tongue sympathetically and busied herself around the room, picking up dresses and
piling them on the bed. "We'll fix everything, sugar. Just give me a minute to think. " [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]