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 And visited and talked, and worried about their futures...you think I didn t notice?
I looked away.
 You did nothing wrong. But that wasn t enough. Step back, keep away, stick to the
impersonal. I m making it an order.
 Yes, sir.
 Go home. Don t spend the day on your own.
 No, sir. I got to my feet, feeling about a hundred years old.  Can I pay my respects?
He sighed quietly.  If you insist. He s in the mortuary. Briefly, Jodi. Then go home and put
this behind you for the sake of the people you ll be redeeming once we crack this.
 Yes, sir.
I wanted to believe him. Maybe in a few hours I would, but at that moment...I was numb.
Later, I d be angry. But Neim wouldn t be there to hear me yell at him. Bloody stupid fool. I
wanted you to live, damn you!
Kregan kindly arranged a veecle to get me back to the house, and took the unusual step of
telling me to call him at home if I needed to. His concern touched me, but didn t absolve me. I
wished I hadn t gone to see Neim s body. I d seen strangling victims before, but never one I d
known while alive. I was glad in a way that his son wherever he was would never have that
vision in his mind. I wished I could erase it from mine.
Despite Kregan s injunction, I spent the rest of the morning on my own because I couldn t
face anyone. I tried to call Timo in the afternoon, but he was out. I trusted no one else to share
my thoughts with on this, who wouldn t judge Neim, or wouldn t hold back from telling me he d
died because of me. I needed someone to tell me that. I didn t want to be told that it wasn t my
fault. Kregan would never blame one of his own over a para. He was loyal and protective of all of
us as far as he could be under the law. He d stuck his neck out, removing that note. I kept looking
at it, trying to work out why Neim would kill himself when he was happy. I couldn t.
My communicator buzzed around three, when I had started on a second slow glass of
temlido, having got myself into a complete funk.
It was my mother.
 Jodimai? Why are you home on a fine day like this?
 Why are you calling, Mam, when you thought I d be out?
Logic had never been her strong suit. Strange to think she d been a medic before we kids had
started to arrive.
 Don t be snippy with me, young man. Respect for one s parents is one of the seven virtues.
I repressed a sigh.  Sorry. Did you want something?
 Jodimai, is something wrong? You re being terribly sharp. I stared at her screen-flattened
features, feeling the alcohol, grief, a creeping numbness. I wasn t up to duelling with her.  Very
well. There s the Festival of Grace in Light next weekend. Your father and I would appreciate
you coming home and attending temple with us. Everyone from town will be there.
Something broke inside me, and my reply came without any conscious thought.  Really. I
didn t bother to mute the sarcasm in my voice.
 What do you mean by that remark, Jodimai?
 Everyone, Mam? Every single person in the settlement? Even Huroi?
She huffed a bit.  Well, obviously not Huroi. None of the paras 
 Right. So that s a lie right there. Doesn t Marra consider that a sin?
 Don t you dare 
 And Da wants me to come? Don t make me laugh. He thinks Grace in Light is a load of
shit, same as I do. It s all a load of shit! I started waving my arms around in my anger, the
temlido sloshing out of my glass as my voice got louder.  In fact, Mam, Marra s a load of shit
too! Marranism, Marra, the Children, the Temple all worthless, lying garbage!
 Jodimai!
I stood there, shaking in my anger and my grief.  And you know what else, Mam?
 Go on. She used that deadly cold tone with Da when she was spoiling for a fight.
 I m infertile. So it doesn t matter how many shitting times I go to Temple, I m never going
to get into the Kingdom according to you, so why waste my time sucking up to Marra or you or
the Children? That s right. Infertile. Punished by your god, like Huroi. How do you like that,
Mam? Your genes are tainted by sin too.
The screen went blank, and then The other caller has terminated flashed up. I laughed and
turned the communicator onto messages only and the notifier down to silent. Then I knocked
back the rest of my temlido and grabbed my coat. If I didn t go out, I d end up like Neim, choked
to death in my own bathroom.
The Low Town didn t refer to the fact it sat further down the mountain than the rest of the
old city other parts clung lower still to the slopes but to the fact the  low types hung out
there. Traditionally the place of prostitutes and gamblers and other miscreants, now most of the
paras in Vizinken lived there, along with other members of society who the Children of Marra
and the more devout religionists disapproved of like homosexuals. Some drug dealing took
place there, but paras tended to drive dealers out of their immediate neighbourhoods, not liking
the activity or the attention. Mostly the drugs were dealt in the north end of the city or
anywhere actual criminality occurred. The Low Town was poor rather than criminal, but still, no
respectable, normal citizen went anywhere near it.
I was normal, but I wasn t respectable I just passed for it and sometimes I felt more at
home in the Low Town than I did in my own comfortable, family-friendly suburb. I wouldn t
normally go there during the day, or in the middle of summer scarves and hats acted as useful
covers when a person didn t want to advertise their presence but it was too early to go down by
the river. So I jammed a cap on my head and turned my collar up as I got out of the veecle a half-
demidec from the area. Veecles would only rarely take a fare to the Low Town, and asking would
draw attention I didn t need. A risk, certainly. A necessary outlet too.
I slipped down the grimy alleys, amazed as always that, though run down, they were more
free of litter than the  respectable parts of the city. No children played on the streets. No para or
their partner had been allowed to adopt or have a child through assisted insemination or egg
donation since the terrors started, so the youngest anyone claiming a paranormal parent could be,
was twenty-five. The non-paranormal residents were uninclined to breed or at least keep their
children for other reasons. People could be seen, many moving in a shuffling, aimless way
caused by naksen, alcohol or both. A few moved with more purpose, like me, but we seemed out
of place here.
I headed to a smoke joint cum private club a rarity in Vizinken, though common elsewhere.
To gain entry to this club, you had to know the secret you didn t apply for membership. Instead
you went to the liquor shop a few doors up the road and asked for a bottle of your favourite drink.
Offering twice the cost got you the bottle and a ticket, unless the owner didn t know you, didn t
like the look of you, smelled Security or the defs, or you were too cheap in your tastes. In those
cases, you got change.
I was given the ticket. It was a way around licensing laws the club didn t sell alcohol, and
that meant avoiding the routine licensing inspections but also remarkably effective at keeping
out trouble, and the reason I thought the club was worth the occasional risk. I badly needed a
place to go today where I could be as true to my real nature as I dared.
I d bought a bottle of temlido it was too cold for jada, and besides I was in a mood for
something stronger and shoved it into the pocket of my coat before walking a little way down
the road to the club itself. I put the ticket through a slot in the club s old wooden door, and after a
few moments, it opened a crack and I slipped inside.
The sickly-sweet odour of jetka weed drifted out to greet me. The smell could overwhelm a
person until one s nose got used to it or shut down but the muted traces of it I detected
weren t too unpleasant. The smoke room was at the back, but I had no taste for jetka. I d tried it
while a student once or twice, but it had only made me cough up a lung. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]